Sumandak Kadus

Hati yang kau sakiti

2012-01-03T07:51:00.016+08:00

I went to office happily this morning..after all it is the first day working for 2012..but it shortlived..the bullshit..being the real bullshit sent me his wedding invitation. Does it make him less guilty than he already is..It hurt myself so bad that I don't think I can even eat today..thank u dear EX BOYFRIEND..u proof how heartless ur again..And now I'm back to cursing you 1000 times more that u will never knew what happiness meant again starting from now on..I curse u with every breath that I breath..that u never found happiness with her..

Where is my Heart Belong too..

2011-10-14T12:56:00.002+08:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about him..And I realise I'm still very much in love with him..why do I have to feel like this. Whenever I try to forget him the memory become much stronger..why???...why am I still hanging to those stupid memories that obviously meant nothing to him?..

Your Love is a Lie w/ Lyrics [Clean] and Download Link

2011-06-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

The Pain Is Killing Me

2011-06-25T23:18:00.003+08:00

I just can let go of this feeling..and right now I wonder what is inside his mind..I wonder if I ever cross his mind at all..wonder how could he live happily knowing that he hurt someone so badly and nearly killed her?..I wonder if he can love someone while breaking the other's heart??!!

And I wonder if those time we shared together did he really love me when he say he does?..How could a man break someone heart that terrible by silently getting engaged with another girl..without saying goodbye at all??..and how can he ruthlessly left me just like that??..

Dear..ko tau ka berapa banyak air mata sy jatuh disebabkan ko..berapa banyak malam yg sy tdk tidur, menangis ingatkan ko..kenapa ko langsung tdk fikirkan perasaan sy bila ko bertunang sm perempuan itu??..susah sangat ka utk ko beterus terang sm sy..??..satu tahun masa sy bagi utk ko sayang..satu tahun sy tahan semua kepedihan dan sindiran dr orang2 sekeliling sy..dengan harapan ko kembali pada sy..ko tdk fikir ka betapa malu sy bila org lain yg bagitau sy ko suda tunang??..ko tdk fikir ka mcm mana hancurnya hati ini bila npk gambar ko tersenyum gembira di samping dia??..langsung tiada ka belas dalam hati ko.?..tdk cukup lagi ka penderitaan yg ko bagi dgn sy???..

Mampu ka ko hidup bahagia di atas penderitaan dan air mata org lain??..Akan bahagia ka kehidupan ko bila ko tau yg sy hampir mati disebabkan kecurangan ko..tapi rasanya ko memang dilahirkan untuk membunuh perasaan sy..

Claude Kelly- Your Lies+Lyrics

2011-06-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

The end of me and him

2011-06-20T16:38:00.002+08:00

His last SMS to me:

oky. apa buli buat. klu benci betul2 just remove my memory in ur heart. klu tak blh pdm lar my no. phon.cos I'm nothing now 4 u k.

( He break my heart and he act like he never done anything wrong. And I wonder ini ka lelaki yang sy jumpa 2 years ago..No!..dulu dia sangat peduli tentang perasaan sy..kenapa sangat mudah ko berubah..:(..)

saki hati!!!

2011-06-19T17:21:00.002+08:00

kenapa ko kasi sakit ati sy??..sanggup ko kasi bodo2 sy kn..well i hope ko gembira..tp ingat..satu hari nanti sy mau ko menderita..sy mau ko menangis sampai seolah2 dunia suda kiamat utk ko..masa itu sy mau mjadi saksi penderitaan ko..saya mau ketawa sepuasnya..biar ko rasa sakitnya hati sy atas perbuatan ko..biar ko tau..hati yg ko sakiti ini tidak pernah memaafkan ko..sejuta kali pun ko minta maaf sy tdk akan memaafkan ko..selamanyaaaa..!!!!..J.P..SY BENCIIII KO SELAMANYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

I'm dying Inside

2011-05-01T20:39:00.002+08:00

Dear God..why am I feeling so helpless..please help me to go through this..

I still can forget him..still can't forgive him..after all this time..I still got so many questions in my mind..Is he deserved to be happy and I deserved to be in pain?..I don't know if I can go on with this anymore..I want to face him and ask him why he do all this to me?..Why he was such a good liar?..and I wonder if his love is a lie too?..I need to know the truth even if it will hurt me to death..and maybe I will die peacefully..u know..when people ask me about us..I have this urge to tell them how "SUCK" u are..I want to tell them how cruel u are..I want to tell them all the bad things that u do..but somehow..I could only smile and says that everything is fine..ko tau macam mana lukanya hati sy bila sy terpaksa berpura2 di depan semua kawan2 ko..kawan2 kita..well I guess u never know because all that u do is hid and pretend that u are innocent..Goshh..ko tau ka ada masa dia I feel like I want to bang ur head that at least for a minute u can think about my feeling..all u care is about ur feeling..about ur ego..jadi ko ingat sy ni kebal?..tidak sakit..tidak sedihh??..

And u ask me why I didn;t tell them what happen if it was such a torture for me to keep all the things that happen between us..then let me kasi ingat ko..when the first time ko buat perangai ..when I try to ask u n u keep hidding away..I try to ask ur friend..and what happen after that..u keep blaming me..u say I don't care about ur feeling..sy kasi malu ko..as though ko nda pandai urus masalah ko sendiri..u keep saying that until I feel like I do such a big mistakes..but when I try to confront u..u always manages to be innocent..u even says sy kasi guna2 ko..please la..use ur brain..klu sy kasi guna2 ko..u think ko buli idup happy2 sm tu ppuan ka?..sy tanya ko..klu sy tau guna2..ko rasa sy akan sakit ati mcm skarang ka?..goshhhh...

question

2011-02-14T21:44:00.002+08:00

Someone out there may be wishing hard that she is beautiful or prettier so that she can win lots of heart..but If u ask me..being beautiful is actually a curse. I'm not saying that I'm pretty but I got lots of compliments that I'm beautiful so guess I am then. .but sadly that is the real reason that I keep hurting in love. The pattern is always the same. First, I met a guy that seem to fall in love with me in almost instantly. Then they keep on trying to win my heart by calling, sms-ing n YM-ing me..after a month we declared as a couple..go out as any other couple do..n suddenly things just change..then after months of dilemma they finally says that there actually someone before me..and that they choose that person because they says I am beautiful n have loads of admirers..I will always find their replacement in no time..n that time I wish I was ugly then maybe they will choose me instead of her. If I'm not beautiful than maybe they will not fall for me..and maybe I will not hurt like this..why am I always be "the other person'?..what give them the rite to tell me that I wil always find a new bf in no time..??!!..my heart is not a software thet can be programmed to forget instantly and fall in love immediately..I have a heart..that need to love..not to be broken...n I wish someday..someone will love me for who I am..not because how I look..

Thinking and blogging

2011-01-03T12:25:00.002+08:00

Managed to come to office with 1 minute before time..what a way to celebrate the first day of work in new year. Yeah..Happy New Year to everyone. I had a good new year celebration..hanging out with my crazy cousin..drinking season..laughing..gambling..talking..waking up late..eating..watch lots of TV..and now it's time to face the world again. sigh...:)

Once in a while he came to my mind..but I try really hard to ignore the feeling..but still..I miss Him..

Daughtry - Life After You

2010-12-02T10:31:00.000+08:00

UNwell

2010-11-17T15:49:00.002+08:00

It's raining outside n I wish I could go out n feel the rain pouring on my head. I wish it could wash away all these unsettle feeling inside me. I wish we can simply deleted all those unwanted feelings. Rite know I miss n hate him all in the same time. I just visited his facebook n he seems really happy..n wonder am I that easy for him to just throw away the memories that we shared before. Why does he be so ruthless n hurting me as I don't mean a thing to him.
I remember the first time I met him, I told myself that I will never fall in love with him or anyone as I'm still hurting from tha last relationship. But he never give up on me..he keep on calling me..sms me n asking me to go out. But then when I give him my love he did exactly the same thing..why??..Are you really that heartless??..U don't even have the courage to say it in front of me?..U are totally deserved to be hate for the rest of ur life. N once again I wish that you will never find the happiness that u think u can have. Trust me..a karma always do his works..n I wish nothing but all the bad things that could happen to you..
Ingat la..apa yang ko buat sm saya mungkin akan berlaku sama adik2 ko..ko sendiri ada adik2 ppuan..ko ingat ko buat semua ini sy akan simply will forget n forgive you..no..I would not do anything..cuma sy harap ko akan dapat pembalasan atas apa yang ko buat ni. N maybe yours could be worst kan..I can;t wait for that time to come..

Impossible To Love Lyrics

2010-11-10T08:31:00.000+08:00

Unthinkable, me leavin' you
It feels like we got somethin' for the record books
But you're unbearable, with the things you do
Every now and then I stop and take a second look

Half the time I don't know who you are
You're inconsistent, switchin' up your heart
I can't take this back and forth
It's killing me, you're about to push me away

Who are you?
Turn it, can ya tell me
Who are you?
Are you still my baby?
I thought I did, but I don't know who you are
Makes it impossible to love you

Baby, it's like I'm spinnin' around
The way I feel, I don't know if we're up or if we're down
I thought I did, but I don't know who you are
It's so impossible, impossible to love you
But I do, But I do

Unspeakable, the words I feel
So I keep em' to myself to spare you, baby
Unbreakable, 'cause I know it's real
Even when you're on the edge and talkin' crazy

Half the time I don't know who you are
You're inconsistent, switchin' up your heart
I can't take this back and forth
It's killing me, you're about to push me away

I hate this part

2010-10-29T12:08:00.002+08:00

It's been a while..and all this while I just ignoring my feelings..try not to remember things that happened between us. I guess there are times where I force myself to think what happen?..What did I do wrong that U think u deserved to punish me like this?..Have I not love you enough?..did I not care for u?..
I did not believe that u have the heart to do this to me..did u rememember this word--"I will be single until I met someone that can open my heart again and make me believe in LOVE once again". That time u say u would be that someone. When u ask me again..I ask if u have a girlfriend..u TOLD me u DON"T ..I told u about my past relationship..of how much it hurt me..U PROMISE u won't hurt me the way he does.. but now I want to ask you "WHY??..why must u do the same thing that he do to me???...so I guess.." SEMUA LELAKI SAMA SAHAJA"....and u even ask me if whether I'm mad n hate u now????...SAYA ada HATI..ada PERASAAN.. sy tau sakit..sy tau sedih..jadi stop asking me stupid question coz I don't have a stupid answer..ASK YOURSELF!!...and PLEASE STOP pretending ur a VICTIM here coz obviously u are not..just admit that u are A TRUE JERK!!

Thinking of you

2010-09-16T15:04:00.002+08:00

Dear..
been in this situation so many times..wondering what have gone wrong..did I do something wrong?..did I hurt u?..got so many questions in mind but I guess I could never get the answers to these.

I'm screaming inside but I guess u never know..I'm crying n suffering inside but I guess u never will care. Am I that easy to forget?..Have you forget about things that we shared before?..

Dear..when I first know u..I try really hard to ignore this feeling..try to deny love and pretending that I don't want more than friendship from you. But u keep coming and never stop until I finally give my heart to you. But why..suddenly u just gone like that..u just threw me away like a piece of junk. .why sayang?..Honestly if I ever know things will be like this..I hope that we never met.

I don't understand

2010-08-05T16:48:00.002+08:00

They say that God makes you suffer so that u will appreciate your life more. But I think I've suffered enough..I know how much I appreciate life..but then why does God keep toturing me..whyy??...why does the person that do this to me did not suffer??...is it because he already really2 appreciate life n been so good to God that He did not punish him??..whyy does the person who did this n cause me this suffering still laughing and still live happily??...why?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????....God answer me....

Finally

2010-07-30T11:52:00.002+08:00

Finally I come to a decision to let him go. Maybe I'm making a mistake but I can go on pretending that he still love me. I saw how happy he looks in his fb picture's n how happy he is commenting on many girls picture saying how beautiful they are..and I come to realise maybe this is the best things to do. He is much happier without me. So I let him go at this moment..let him have the life he always want..be with much prettier n nicer person than me. I don't know if I can go through this..maybe I'll will..may I will not..but I guess if I really love him I have to let him go. At this moment I'm giving up all my hope n try to live life as normal as possible. Dear God help me..help me to stay strong..
If I knew this will happen I rather not know him at all..sayang thank u for breaking my heart..thank u for this suffering u gave me..thank u for everything..
I pray to God that one day I'll stop loving you..n gave me the strength to forgive you..

Me and my life

2010-07-13T14:20:00.002+08:00

It's been a while..and all this time I've managed to wake up everyday and try to pretend that everything is alright..Goshh..it's hard but guess I have to live with it. It's been such a lonely place and situation lately..just go on with my life trying hard not to think about you..trying not to reread ur all sms( I just don't hava enough courage to delete it yet)..try not to look at u'r pictures..try not to sms u (which I fail miserably)..not to call u..Guess u never now how hard it is since u have been enjoying ur life..You never have any idea how I kneel to God every morning and nite for you to change ur heart..but I guess even God forget that I'm exist. .rite now I lost all hope in life..I don't know how long I can go on pretending that I'm okay..wish I can tell the world that I'm laughing outside but dying inside..that I"M NOT OKAYY!!..did u hear me dear I'm not okayyy..!!!!

Why???

2010-06-06T17:09:00.002+08:00

Saat ini ku merasakan hidup ini sangat tidak adil bagiku. Kenapa bila saja aku mencintai dengan setulus hatiku..saat itu aku akan dikecewakan. Berkali aku cuba untuk bangkit semula dan cuba untuk mempercayai cinta, aku akan jatuh dengan lebih teruk lagi. Serasa tidak percaya bila seorang lagi insan yang ku sangka akan mencintai dan menerima aku seadanya akan begitu kejam sekali mendustai cintai ku. Aku tahu, cintaku tidak mahal malah mungkin lebih murah dari kain yang dilelong di tamu- tamu bulanan. Tapi cinta aku itu tulus, jujur dan setia. Apakah tidak layak untuk ianya dihargai??..Saat ini ingin sekali aku mati..merayu agar Tuhan cabut saja nyawaku..jujur aku tidak boleh hidup tanpa cinta..aku sangat memerlukannya..mungkin saat ini aku perlu berputus asa dengan cinta..hidup seperti robot yang tidak punya perasaan. Katamu..biarlah aku hidup begini dari menaggung bebanan..kecewa sungguh hati ini bila mendengarnya..ternyata cinta ini tidak lebih dari sebuah bebanan untukmu.. maafkan aku sayang..aku memang selalu menjadi bebanan kepada orang- orang di sekeliling ku. Mungkin sebab itu aku perlu pergi..Tuhan aku merayu..ambil nyawaku..berikan pada orang yang lebih bernasib baik dalam menemui cinta dan kebahagiaan. Sesungguhnya aku sungguh tidak layak untuk hidup lagi..

Clueless

2010-04-30T22:25:00.002+08:00

I know at the begining of the year I say that I try to be positive..but reading back all my entry for this blog..it's all not that encouraging or fit enough to clasified as positive. Then come to my mind, did I really want to be in this relationship..that is if there is a relationship between us..I really doubt about that lately. I guess he is just my SORT OF BOYFRIEND..yeah that the word best to describe the status of my relationship with him. He always left me wondering what I've done wrong to make him treat me like a piece of junk..It torn my heart. Sometimes I wonder if he done that purposely..but today I know he done that on purpose..I've been calling him since morning but he never pick up my call..not even replying my sms. Dear..my heart are not made from steel, I'm not a piece of junk that u can throw up when u done with it..nor my heart is not made of gold..its just a piece of heart that love u dengan penuh ikhlas, tulus dan jujur sayang sm ko..but I guess it's not enough for u kan..

Pretending that I'm not hurting

2010-04-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

Sayang..
Guess this is the only place where I can pour my heart out without anyone judging me..especially you. Don't u know that I'm hurting inside by trying my best to pretend that I'm not. Everytime I try to say something or rather anything u always seems to have said something that hurt me. Even when I'm joking u always try to make me feel like I'm useless n stupid. I know that I'm not good enough..not perfect enough but sayang that doesn't give u the right to hurt me. Why did u even want me at the first place..now I just wish that any of this didn't happen. I dun know if I can survive this time..I almost die of heartache before..it hurt me too much to ever believe in love again..

Apa dalam hatiku?..hatimu?

2010-02-17T21:24:00.003+08:00

sayang..

From now on, I give up asking u anything if it will meant that u will stop telling me lies..n lies..n lies...I'm tired of all this dear. If u got somebody else please tell me instead of giving me the silent treatment everytime I ask u about it. I've been in this situation before..n only God knew how hard it is for me to learn to live again..to be happy n to be able to believe in love again. If this happen again I just don't know if I can survive all this again. But I'll try my very best to accept things that will happen in the future, Whether I survive or not..it;s not the question now..I just need to know where u heart is..if its with someone else then by all means I'll let u go..go have ur life with her. Let me go on with my life..my heart... let me take care of it..coz whenever I gave it to someone else its always come back to me..shattered n broken into pieces..and maybe this time I kept it by myself.

Down

2010-01-21T08:49:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling a bit down this morning..and the weather didn't help much. Gloomy n mendung. It explain my situation rite now. I hate it when I'm always be the one to blame when something wrong happen. I didn't ask you to do that in the first place okay..now ur complaining.. Yeahh blame me if that will makes u happy.. I dont care!!
By the way, adakah org yg baru couple for a few months break suda?..sometimes I think I'm not that kind of person that will stay in a relationship that long. Phobia ba since last relationship..mcm he is cheating all the time uhuuu

5 things I Hate about you

2010-01-17T21:56:00.003+08:00

Dear rite now so many things coming to my head. So many question about us. It's not that I don't trust you but I've been betrayed before..I've my feeling badly hurt n my pride being at the lowest point that I could ever imagine. I'm so sorry for being so overly suspicious on you. Promise I'll be better in time.

Dear I hate it when you:

1. Didn't pick up when I called you. Then U give me the lame excuse for not picking up my call. (I'm not being paranoid but I've been in this situation before to know better that when someone not picking up call too many times especially during weekend..I know I'm not acting silly)

2. When I'm busy talking with u, u just keep on staring at the TV and even sussh me up when there is something interesting showed esp when its about football.
(I'm not mulut murai but I only sharing whats inside my heart and what happens in my life since we only meet like once a month. Maybe in the future I'll just shut up but then don't ever complain that I didn't tell u that I'm suppose to be busy next month that I can make it to ur friends wedding)

3. When I text you n u just reply with the letter "K".
( ur phone keypad rosak ka dear sampai satu ayat pun u can't finish)

4. When we go out together isn't it meant that we're suppose to be jalan- jalan together side by side?

( Why must you walk like ur a really late for something?..I hate it when I've to walk really fast to catch up with u. It makes me thinking are you embarass to be seen walking with me? Then why even bother to be with me at the first place.

5. I hate it when u lie.
( I know when you are lying dear. I just pretend that I don't. Why??..because I love u.

2010

2010-01-14T14:59:00.002+08:00

2010 already..getting older n maybe getting wiser but still the anak manja daddy. I remember when my dad called using the nama manja my siblings will mock him saying that only me got a special name..ahaaaa..biasala anak manja daddy kan..but I realise now that we grew apart already..maybe its because I'm too bz with my life..getting older. Last christmas I went back home for a long holiday. Spend my time at home tidur makan..ahahaaa..then I realise that my parents are getting older and a question pop into my head..did I do enough tuk balas jasa durang..adeii..I don't think so..I'm still acting like a little girl..huhh..teruknya sy ni..
I promise new year ni sy will do my best to please you mum and dad..and mum jangan risau anak ko ni ada bf suda..akakaaaa..cuma belum lagi dia mau kawin..:D..ikikkii

Thinking of You

2009-09-07T11:02:00.002+08:00

Darling..

ermm I don't know why I still call you that. Sorry..tebiasa suda..lagipun since kita start known each other we called each other daling kan..such a sweet time n memories. I remember the first day that we met..its almost midnight kan..macam cerita cinderella kan..but the good thing is I only turn to "poor peasant" after 2 years we've been together. Now after 3 years, I still love you dear. Even though we are worlds apart. After 3 years I still got that buterfly in my stomach whenever I see you. Yes you still give such impact. Maybe that is the reason why I can't date other people. I keep on comparing them to you. And after trying so hard I give up..I knew I could never find another love like you.

Lazy monday..

2009-01-19T10:57:00.002+08:00

yayy..new year 2009..my first blog for the year..

hmm..I'm starting my blogging with a new positive way..like they say life is too short for you to wake up and regret it. My new resolution is to wake up n the first thing that I'll do is to smile and be thankful for another wonderful day in my life...yayyyy for me..:D..lets hope it will last for the whole year..prayyyyy..

Well highlites for now is that some of my friends are getting married this year. Bless them for that..yeah sometimes I do feel like God must have been spending a little more time with them..:D..a I jealous..yess of course..who didn't.. rite..but in a good way..I'm happy for them..Happy new life for you girls..I'll try my best to make myself available on that day..:D..promiseeeee..(I do okayy..):P

For me..well for the 1st quarter of the year it's all about work..work n work..just got my schedule for the year n guess what..single workers got to do more outstation works..:D..n since I'm the only one that is single n way too much available..I got to drag my ass all over the state..(boss..I'm not complaining okayy..)..:D..but then since I"m working on positive thinking then I just bear in mind that who knows..manatau jumpa ensom boy time outstation..ekekeke..prayyyyyyyyy..:P

Betrayal

2008-12-10T09:46:00.000+08:00

Have u ever been betrayed by the one that u love dearly. I do..n until this very moments I can't forgive myself for being so stupidly believe someone just like that. I wonder why or how he can play his part so well. You shud be nominated for best actor at the oscar my dear n I know u can beat Brad Pitt for that award.

why?

2008-12-05T11:14:00.000+08:00

why is it that I feel like everyone is turning their back at me?

Update of my life in 2008

2008-11-28T14:52:00.000+08:00

Huh..punya la tu tajuk..well not actually an update..just a little bit of sharing actually..tp sy malas suda mau pikir tajuk apa..

Mula2 I was thinking 'bout blogging in complete n appropriate english but then I realise my grammar n my perbendaharaan kata in english has become from acceptable to worst i.e unacceptable..wakaka..adeiii tarabang laut suda tu grammar..sorry to all my ex- english teacher ahh..maybe after this I shud read more n converse more in english rather than english rojak..pa durang gelar tu manglish..(malay+ english)??..

adiii panjang plak sy merapu ah..well 2008 is the most challenging year for me..not to say very lonely..I miss him terribly..but he is HISTORY..close my book oledi with him. but still sy bulum mampu mau buka buku baru..Dulu mula2 break with him I tot I could die..tp kwn sy bilang 'better ko mati accident daripada mati heartbroken' bilang dia...wakaka..waktu memang sy mara sm dia..tp pikir2 she's rite..thanks to her sy dapat idup sampai ari ni..:D..panat sj liur ko mau manasihat kan ling..:P...HUG!!

Bila sy baca balik last posting sy pasal dia..I realise how I hate him that time..tp maybe he's not meant for me..even if kami still together I dun think I could be happy with him..Org bilang cinta tu buta..dulu maybe I just laugh it of..no wayy I could be blinded by love..but when I'm with him it's the other way round..btw org bilang nda bagus simpan dendam kunu..jd I try to forgive him tp palan2 la..sy still maki2 dia dalam ati once in a while la..n for sure that bitch punya nama nda miss juga..wakaka..byk dosa nii...

deii sy nda tau pa lagi mau blogg..lama nda memblog ba..jd ampun la tu bahasa ah..

p.s:..sy bc ni blog sy tadi rupanya ada jg urg baca oo..tengkiu la sepa yg sudi baca ah..

feeling ok now..

2008-11-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

waa...mau satu tahun since my last update kan..actually sy lupa the existence of this blog already..some of u may wonder why I rarely blog here..well the reasons why is that only blog when something bad n sad happen in my life..maybe that is the time where I express myself better..

Well its almost a year since I broke up with him n guess I'm feeling better now..u know la what they say..TIMES HEALS..tp parut dia still fresh..hmm..got loadss of things to share actually but I blog 'bout it later..now I got loadss of things to settle..

I'm losing my mind

2007-11-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

..now I really know what its like to"bernafas dalam lumpur"..somebody saves me from here...

He's not mine

2007-10-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

I never tot that losing someone will hurt this much. I gotta get used of not having him around anymore. He is not mine..he belong to someone else rite now. I knew that but it was so hard to lose someone suddenly. I always tot that we will be together forever. All that promises is nothing more than a word now. It hurt me so much that sometimes I wish all this was just a dream n when I wake up you will be there to hug me n tell me that everythings gonna be okay. My friend says that it will be a matter of time that I'll forget everything n laugh it of. But what if that time will never come?..I never will get used of not having you anymore n it even more hurtful to think that you'll be in someone else arms, smiling while I wake up with tears in my eyes. Everyday..waking up seems to be the hardest thing to do. You will never knew how everynite I sleep n wish that I'll never wake up to face another day without u.

"In hated memory"

2007-10-09T08:10:00.001+08:00

OBITUARY

"Love is the most wonderful things in the world. But when love betray u..it was the most ugly thing that u wish u never have. I have many regrets in my life but this one will be the thing that I regret the most. I really, really wish that I never met u. Then I will never be this heart broken..its like every single moment in my life is useless and meaningless that I knew I will never love another person like u, ever again. Infact I dun know if I can love again. I hate u for this and until I find my strength again, I will never forgive u and her. Every suffering and every tears that I cry will be the curse to both of u. I wish both of u all the very bad things that u deserved and may one day u will know the price u have to pay for playing with others feeling and life."

I HATE UUU..

2007-10-09T08:10:00.000+08:00

I never thought you will do this to me..I Wil never ever forgive you for this!!!!

Have u ever..

2006-05-31T13:23:00.000+08:00

"Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever
have you ever"

If any of u out there ever fall in love with someone u are not suppose to fall in love with, then I'm sure u understand exactly what I feel right now. If u ever be with somebody just to know that u can't be with him forever then u know how painful it is to live on the days wondering when will that time comes.

I know I cannot love u..but I just can't let you go..

Bingung..konpius..Tolingung..

2006-05-10T15:35:00.000+08:00

MMm...bad girl..I am really bad..bad..bad girl..:(
sodih banar sia ni..kalau buli turn back the time..kalu buli sia tarik balik tu cakap sia..I swear I will not do the same mistake again. But now it was just too late for me, he is already engaged and I don't want to be the third party. No..I can't do that. Eventhough I never knew the girl but I'm sure she can make him happy. But why I keep on thinking 'bout him now..It's way too late...aiyaaa..manyasal aiso guna diabilang tu mandak..
Sia cuma ada sekeping hati tp kasih sia terbagi-bagi..even sia sendiri keliru..sepa yang lebih sia cinta?..mana satu cinta yang sia cari selama ni..ini cinta atau just a crush????..so tell me how in the hell I'm going to make the right decision? I dun even know my own heart..heart please speak to me..sia takut kalu sia pilih yang ini, sia akan menyesal..manatau sia inda cinta dia juga?..kalu sia pilih yang ini, sanggup ka sia kasi korban prinsip dan kepercayaan sia..sedangkan I never knew him that much..kalu sia pilih yang satu ni..bolehka sia bagi dia cinta selayakknya yang dia harapkan. Mampu ka sia janji yang sia akan setia sama dia?..risiko?? I know setiap keputusan ada risiko..tp cukup kuat ka saya untuk menghadapi ini semua..

No subject

2006-04-14T14:36:00.000+08:00

what a tiring day for me, spend the whole day looking at numbers..almost feel like going blind after that. All that i can see is number..number n number..wish I could do something different than this..guess doing this thing over n over makes me sick..
Yawnn..just call my mum..n got tortures 'bout going home so late yesterday..well I think I'm capable enough to take care of myself..I'm big girl already la mummy..don't know la..yesterday nite I just don't feel like going home that early..I know I will stare blankly at the ceiling n think about him all nite long..sigh..I know I shouldn't feel this way..hehe..but I don't want to think 'bout us being apart either..maybe ermm..I should just wait n see if it will work out between us. Then what....????..odoooii dogo..bingung2..
Hmmm..I'm looking forward for May..then I'll go travelling around penisular malaysia..maybe I should invite him kan..ekekek..what a crazy idea..but maybe I'll do that if my gila2 tiba2 datang..wahahaa..I can't even imagine how shock he can be..
I'm such a jiwang karat girl now..can;t stop thinking 'bout him and even senyum2 saturang dalam bas..those who notice maybe ingat sia gila tu..tp poduli la..heheh..

Crush on you..

2006-04-10T09:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm..what a life..hehe
Nowadays I seem to look forward for a new day to come..can't wait to see him..hehe..O yess I have a new crush..
Hmm what I like about him..hehe..even the thought of him makes my heart goes bergoncang..ekeke..all I can say is that he is really special..treat me extra nice n I like his eyes..he have a pair of dreamy eyes..sometimes I just feel like staring at him all day long..hehe..misti nanti dia ingat sia gatal ni tau..aduiii..tp sia butul2 jiwang sama dia ni..mau saja sia bawa dia kluar tu ari..tp segan pula..hehe..jiwang..sia butul2 jiwang..especially waktu kami bebalas-balas cakap yesterday..last2 dia cakap.."one more sets la sayang"..gulp..trus sia diam ba..hehe..aduiii..Miss U a lot..muahss...

2006-03-13T12:16:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine send this to me..

Cinta

Pernahkah kamu merasakan..
Bahawa kamu mencintai seseorang,
meskipun kamu tahu dia tak sendiri lagi,
meskipun kamu tahu cintamu tak akan berbalas,
tapi kamu tetap mencintainya

Pernahkah kamu merasakan..
Bahwa kamu sanggup melakukan apa saja demi seseorang yang kamu cintai
meskipun kamu tahu dia takkan pernah peduli ataupun
Dia peduli dan mengerti, tapi dia tetap pergi

Aku pernah tersenyum meski kuterluka kerana ku yakin
Tuhan tak menjadikannya untukku
Aku pernah menangis kala bahagia
kerana ku takut kebahagiaan cinta ini akan hilang begitu saja

Aku pernah tertawa saat berpisah dengannya
Kerana sekali lagi, cinta tak harus memiliki
Dan Tuhan pasti telah menyediakan cinta yang lain untukku
Aku juga pernah bersedih kala bersamanya
Kerana kutakut kehilangan dia suatu saat nanti,

Aku tetap boleh mencintainya
Meskipun dia tak dapat kudakap dalam pelukanku
Kerana cinta memang ada dalam jiwa

Semua orang pasti pernah merasakan cinta
Baik dari orang tua..sahabat..kekasih dan akhirnyapasangan hidupnya
Buat temanku yang sedang jatuh cinta.. Semoga semua selalu berbahagia
Kerana cinta itu sangat indah

Buat mereka yang sedang terluka kerana cinta..
Hidup itu bagaikan roda yang terus berputar,
Satu saat pasti akan berada di bawah dan hidup terasa begitu menyakitkan
Tetapi keadaan itu tidak untuk selamanya
Bersabarlah dan berdoalah
kerana cinta yang lain akan hadir

Buat temanku yang tidak percaya akan cinta
Bukalah hatimu, jangan tutup mata akan keindahan yang ada di dunia
Maka cinta akan membuatkan hidupmu menjadi bahagia

Buat temanku yang mencari-cari cinta..bersabarlah..
Tuhan sedang mempersiapkan segala yang terbaik bagimu

Buat temanku yang mepermainkan cinta
Sesuatu yang begitu murni dan tulus bukanlah untuk dipermainkan
Cinta bukan suatu kehampaan
Semoga kalian berhenti mempermainkan cinta
Dan mulai merasakan kebahagiaan yang seutuhnya

He Love me..He love me not..????

2006-02-28T11:33:00.000+08:00

Sia rasa la kan almost every women pernah berhadapan sama ni soalan?..He Love me?? or he love me not???..Kalo mo tanya face to face or secara terang2..takut pula kena cakap 'perigi cari timba?'..O dear..sia butul2 binggung ni..maybe sia punya perasaan ni saja..maybe dia tidak pernah pun suka sia kan..sia saja yang harap lebih2..But why dia layan sia baik betul..why he seems so nice n so gorgeous whenever I try not to think of him..kalo lama2 macam ni mimang mo gila ni..Kadang2 mo saja sia cakap terus terang sama ko.."I love u very MUCH..!!!"..but I don't have such courage to do so..Honestly sia pernah cuba untuk ignore my feelings..cuba anggap ko as a friend..but the harder I try the stronger this feeling will become..I'm trap in my own feeling..

Racism or Discrimination?

2006-02-06T13:15:00.000+08:00

I really wish I can balas apa yang my vice director cakap tadi. The way he talked really makes me wanna balas habis-habisan apa yang dia cakap. But what can I do..I really inda faham kenapa kalo we 'sabahan or Sarawakian hanging out together will give such a negative impression to them. It is not because of racism but simply because we enjoy each other company. Furthermore what good will it brings when all they talk is about how good is their culture n their religion. Not to mention the way they ask u all about that stupid question that happen to pop-up from their not so brainy brain. Imagine the trauma u have to deal with when they ask question like- "where did u get that baju kurung? I thought sabahan doesn't wear baju kurung? And I was like' hello..maroon..baju kurung is happen to be a national dress and not strictly worn only by u..("buduh..buduh..buduh..-me swearing in my head)..and no.. we live in a decent home and not atas pokok..and yes we do have mini bus in sabah and so do many other transportation that much bigger than ur perodua because we have a lot of 'jalan kayu balak' to our kampung..well apa buli buat kan since almost all the rural area in Sabah only have that gravel road to go to another pekan.
..now back to the main topic..why is it make such a big deal when we go makan2 together. If u not happen to notice you too only hang out with u species, why u didn't bring that to be an issue? Cuma kami 'the borneo peoples' yang jadi mangsa discrimination. Well don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to bring up the sensitive issue here, just a small things to think about..until then..aramaiti..

p/s: no offence ok..just giving my piece of thought..: )

catatan sumandak yang boring..

2006-01-27T15:23:00.000+08:00

Hmmm..what a day..macam this past few days kan I spend all my hours at work, surfing the net, baca blog org(esp. sabahan blog), check mail sampai teda suda yang mo d check..ekekekee. Tapi by next month I am sure I'll be busy as hell back..so far my life is pretty much on the rock..works dilema..my not so lucky love life( or is it my so called fail relationship..ekeke). But now all have been sorted out n I sort of get my peace of mind...hehehe..My relationship with the Guy is getting ok..we sort of having heart to heart talk yesterday n I guess kami suda clear the air. No more misunderstanding n buruk sangka to each other, n kalo ada soalan just ask stright away, n most importantly is our blurrr relationship is now officially known as "Good Friend"only..I guess that will settled everything..lagipun most probably I will be moved to another department, n we promised to stay in touch with each other..we clear everything and end it with a Handshake...hehehe..Eventhough ada juga rasa terkilan la..tapi teda jodoh kan..maybe kami lebih ngam sebagai kawan baik..So since the prospect of us being romantically linked is not possible, I just hope our friendship will work out..:p

Memories of 2005..

2006-01-23T10:38:00.000+08:00

Well it's almost the end of January, n since I have all the time that I need today..(psstt..my boss is on leave..) so I think its time for me to do post mortem for 2005..
Hmm..the highlights will be my new life as an employee..yeah..I finally can say proudly yang saya bukan penganggur terhormat lagi..coz before this I'm sick of people asking me "hey..what are u doin' rite now?, Where are you working?..bla..bla..Most of my reply will be" Nuthin, just hanging around..jaga badan..tanam anggur..bla..bla.I tell u la..its really affect my self-esteem..I feel like betul2 teda guna..but now saya pula yang sibuk tanya2 org..hmm..revenge??? Maybe

Secondly..I get the chance to know a whole lot of new peoples..with different characters..(hmm hehe..I can't help it but I feel like i'm writing an essay for exam) and of coz I have the chance to meet HIM..yes him..the one that I thought will be the- one-u wish-for but turned out to be a monster-without-any sense. The one who use to be mr.perrfeccttt-mr.prince charming have turned into mr ego-who-have-the-biggest-head-in-the-universe!!! anyway..I guess that meet n breakup have become my routine every year..there will never be a year without it..yaiii..soripalisss..harap2 tahun ni inda la..

Hmmm,..apalagi ah..o ya..believe it or not this year, 6 guys ask me to be their special gf..ekeke..ini bukan mo minta puji la..juz sebagai reminder I guess..well..One guy goes, 6 more come to offer their everlasting love..kunun.. tapi semua pun sia reject coz..entahla..macam no feeling pula. After diurg ni semua ada juga macam2 rasa jatuh ati sm ni saturang..tapi kantoi lagi...so I guess he doesn't countla..coz u'll never lose something that never belong to you..kesimpulan dia..MY love life for 2005 is sucks!!!(ok girl..be careful with ur words..)

Apalagi ah..oh ya..there is a few of my relatives that pass away..but since I hardly know and close to them, I just pray for their soul... So much of family affair among my aunties and uncles.. biasala kalo rasa diri sendiri lebih berhak atau lebih berkuasa mula la rebut sana, rebut sini, cakap sana, cakap sini..so most of the time I just shut my mouth up. Tengok sajalah who will emerge as the winner..sia jadi tukang lap darah ja la..macam kazen sia bilang..ekekek..hairan betul la. manusia ni makin berharta, makin rendah pula tahap intelektual n perikemanusiaan dia(but not all la..) Kalau suda kaya raya tu patut masa ni la tolong saudara2 yang inda brapa mampu..ini sudahla saudara tu pun idup ala kadar ja..rumah pun menumpang..ada ati pula mo pegi rebut tanah n rumah org tu..kerbau betul..

hmmm..nah trus ilang mood kalo cakap pasal ni..ok la p makan dulu nanti sambung lagi..;P

End of every dreams n hope

2006-01-20T13:57:00.000+08:00

hmm..Right now all that I want to do is lie down n shut up my eyes..I have nothing but problems for the past few months..there time that I feel I cannot go on anymore..It's like I just keep on going without anything to be proud of or anything to keep me alive...I even feel like closing my eyes forever so that I would not have to face all this..All that I can say is those peoples who I thought will be there for me when I need them just turn their back on me..As far as I remember, I never failed to help them if they come to me for help, even if I have to sacrifice something in order to help them, but when it is time for me to ask for their help, they just left like that. I wonder why I have been such an idiot to realise that they just take me for granted. For them I only exist if they need my help. I'm really sick of this..If I died will they cry for me because of me or just because they will have nobody to ask for help anymore..but then I will never have to worry I guess coz I never will have to see all this hypocrite peoples..let's just hope God will put me at the better place..

5 things..

2005-12-08T14:47:00.000+08:00

5 things u like to own..
-car ..but then of course I need to have my driving license 1st..hehe
-house
-a guitar
-sexy black dress
-50kg weight..ekeke..well my friend says that is way to light for my 161cm height, but I want it..

5 things u search in a guy
-honesty
-nice smile
-big guy
-the guy that show his true self. No need to pretend
-willing to watch movies that I like( n that include watching chicken little, n silly romance movies)

5 things that u treasure the most
-friends n family( opppss is that 2??)
-my new Issey Miyake fragrance...hmm like the smell
-my handphone..cannot live without it
-the ring from my ex-bf..eventhough I rarely wear it..too much memories
-My pair of jeans that fit me perfectly..wear it on a special date n day..hehehe

5 bad habit
-bad mood
-lazy
-bias opinions on others
- too sentimental..cry babies..
-tend to change my mind like every minute.

5 thing u hate in a guy
-Laki orang yg gatal
-berpura-pura
-egoistic
-playboy
-desperate guys..urgghh..

5 things u like to do
-stop breaking guys heart..o dear but I can't help it..I mean its a matter of suka atau tak kan..klu memang tak suka nak buat mcm mana?
-stop being over friendly n send mix signal to the opposite sex
-appear to be stronger n confident!
-buang sikap manja..oppss..buli ka ni..
-make more friends with a female colleagues..hehehe..

5 thing u like to eat now..(what??)
-ermm ok..cheese cake
-'ngiu chap'..nyumm
-tuhau
-kek lapis sarawak..
-bosou bakas..ekekeke

5 songs u love the most
-the reason by hoobastank
-love me for a reason by boyzone
-broken heart by annne murray
-silent night..ekeke..since christmas is juz around the conner
-brown eyes by destiny's child

Lagu urg putus sinta..

2005-12-05T11:13:00.000+08:00

Dewa - Pupus..

Aku tak mengerti apa yang kurasa
Rindu yg tak pernah begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yg kau tahu
Meski kau takkan pernah tahu
Aku persembahkan hidupku untukmu
telah kurelakan hatiku padamu
namun kau masih bisu diam seribu bahasa
dan hati kecilku bicara
baru kusedari
cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku
semoga waktu akan mengilhami
isi hatimu yg beku
semoga akan datang keajaiban
hingga akhirnya kau pun mahu
aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
meski kau takkan pernah tahu..

Lawak gila-gila..

2005-11-28T11:36:00.000+08:00

14inci

adalah kunun ni 1 seketari kena suruh pg interbiu 1 urg duta dari eropah. sebelum dia pigi, kena warning awal2 sdh dia supaya dia tia setuju bila itu duta bawa dia kahwin. dia pun pigila jumpa. nampak ja tu duta sama ni seketari, turus dia fall ini love bah kunun. dia pun tanyalah.."ko mo kahwin sama sia?" bilang dia. itu seketari pun bepikrlah "bagus sia kasi main dia" dia bilang (dalam hatilah). dia pun jawablah.. Buli tapi dengan 3 syarat dia bilang... itu duta pun hepi lah.. si seketari pun cakaplah.."syarat pertama 1 bentuk cincin emas 14 karat n ada diamond diatas dia... harga dia misti yang atas 1 juta..." si duta terus angkat telepon n buat kol.. tia sampai 1 minit.. tu duta cakap.. "sia bili sia bili" . takajut si seketari.. dia pun tepikir yang syarat dia tlmpu sinang.. dia pun bagi syarat ke-2..."sia mo ko buat sia satu resort di swizerland n 1 ladang kuda 15 hektar di german " bilang dia.... terus tu duta angkat pon n telepon broker dia di eropah... 1 minit ja dia jawab..."ok sia buat sia buat" takajut kaka ni seketari... dia pun tutup mata pikir apa lagi syarat yang lagi susa... las2 dia cakap.. "sia janji mo kahwin ko kalo ko ada tontolou 14 inci" dia bilang... tetunduk kunun tu duta... lama dia pigang dahi dia... last last dia cakap lemah n pelan2 "oklah sia PUTUNG"

Di sebuah restoran di Itali Cerita ini sudah ditransletkan. Tidak ada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau pingsan...

Seorang tanakwagu yang sedang menuntut di obersea berjaya menekel sumandak Itali yang lawa. Pada satu hari, dia membawa teman wanitanya ke sebuah restoran Itali yang sangat terkenal. Dia sendiri pun belum pernah masuk sebelum ini.. tapi demi mengambil hati teman wanitanya.. (mokirayou gia dia ni) dia memberanikan diri untuk makan di restoran itu...
Setelah mereka duduk dan memakan anggur yang disajikan.. si tanakwagu mengambil menu... Kerana bingung melihat nama-nama aneh masakan Itali.. dia memilih sembarangan... (takut kedapatan )

"Waiter.. kami mau makan "Giuseppe Spomdalucci" untuk 2 orang" kata tanakwagu tadi..

"Maaf.. encik" jawab itu waiter , "Itu nama pemilik restoran ini"

hehehe..ini serita sia dapat dari blog urg baini..saja mo kc ilang2 buring..ekekke

You should have been mine

2005-11-25T11:39:00.000+08:00

You Should Have Been Mine

X years today...
The day of great grievance to my heart,
The day you left me with less than a letter,
The day you had my heart minced
And fed to the ocean,
And the day my heart glassed
And shatter into thousand pieces,
The D-day, my heart goes to war...
Against all love and affections,
And yet I still miss you dearly...

The sun setting in the Far East,
As is the light in my heart...
Or at least what's left of it,
My soul is cold. Numb to all hopes,
The very life of me is draining...
Like a river meeting the vast sea,
Where the fresh water meets the salt,
Loosing its pure virtue to temptation,
And yet my mind still wanders to your side,
Like a moth to a flame...

The women has now left you… alone,
Should I be happy? I’m not,
Justice prevails says the hero. None like me,
For I’m confusedly sad, profoundly angry,
Although I was hurt… still hurting,
But in all honesty... your happiness is always been my prayer,
I may have set you free… embracing all the joys in life,
But I’ve never let you go... even now hopes linger,

My ends is coming... sooner than the parting moon,
The stars in the nightly skies seems but a reach away,
And the ground underneath my feet is but a huge mattress,
Promising a comfy peace to lie upon,
And yet my thoughts plunge to the probability realm,
What if I could be saved, would my savior be you?
What if I could learn to forgive?
Would I find someone true?
Easing my suffering, resting my soul,
Before the setting sun rises no longer,
And yet my earthly body long for yours.

Carolling

2005-11-24T16:02:00.000+08:00

Can't wait for for christmas to come. Ingat pula time bila sekolah dulu, never miss untuk join carolling ni. Yelah dulu waktu sekolah mana boleh balik lambat kecuali kalau ada aktiviti di church. Actually banyak kenangan yang best join carolling ni. Yang buduh, yang gila. yang seram pun ada. Ingat lagi first time join carolling ni kami kena masuk kampung yang sana pisuk2 langsung teda karen lagi tu, sia pula lupa bawa torchlight, kana bagi lilin satu batang ja yang kalo pasang pun teda guna coz kuat angin kan..so tersebut la kisah terpijak taih sapi..ekekek..sabar ja la time tu..ingat lagi my kazen yang memang gumuk tu sampai muntah2 terpijak taih. But somehow I am very lucky I guess coz sia cuma terpijak taih yang sudah kering..so tedalah seksa menahan bau. Pas tu my cousin ni tobat da inda mo join kalo d kampung yg banyak taih..tapi bisuk2 ada muncul juga dia..yelah apa sangat taih tu kalo banding sama the fun that we share kan. Pas tu the next year kan pula kami pegi satu kampung ni..oleh kerana hujan kan jalan becak la jadi kereta inda boleh limpas so kami pun jalan kaki la masuk tu kampung..masa jalan2 tu kan memangla bising cakap pun teda tapis2 la...tiba2 time siok2 bcakap kan tiba2 ja mcm ada suara urg teriak la. Automatically kami sumua tediam la then only that kami realise yang itu kaw. kubur..apalagi lari la inda peduli lumpur ka apa..tapi heran juga tiba2 ada kubur disana???misteri..tapi cobaan ba gia tu..hhehe..tapi ingat2 balik ada juga lucu dia especially bila ingat time lari tu..Memang banyak pengalaman ba time carollling ni. But now tu sumua cuma kenangan I guess coz disini teda carolling..sniff..sniff..

holiday's mood..

2005-11-17T11:21:00.000+08:00

Well after all that I've been through this year, I'm really looking forward for a nice long holiday. Already makes some plan for that much awaited break. Next month I will be back to my hometown yippie..can't wait for it. By the way last night I was watching this chinese serial and there is a scene where this girl is trying really hard not to see her boyfriend, didn't pick up his call, and try at any cost to avoided this man. At first I thought she was angry at her boyfriend, rupa-rupanya she got a feeling that this man is trying to break up with her so she is trying to avoided him for the whole day. but at the end she did bump into this guy and as she expected the guy want to break up with her. So moral of the story' no matter how hard u try to run away from ur problem sooner or later u still have to face it. If it was destinied to be like that then there is no use to avoid it'. Hmm that is something for me think about..and I think a good lesson for me to remember..

Nightmare

2005-11-10T08:47:00.000+08:00

Menyesal pula tidak ambil cuti today..o dear I have the worst dream last night..the worst of all nightmare that I ever have. I dream about Him and the girl drop by at my house cause they are on their way for their wedding..gulp..but they haven't get dressed yet so they dress up at my house and I help them to get ready..o dear I wish I don't have to do that in real life..it was already painful enough for me even in a dream..I almost burst into tears after I woke up in the middle of the night..so I end up with a black rinckles around my eyes because I can't sleep after that. Anyway I make a decision last night that I will apply to be transferred to another branch by next year..I don't think that I can stand the pain of seeing them together. It is too much for me. Hopefully it will be approved as soon as possible..Dear God please help me..By the way I think my ramalan horoscope memang betul la for this year..

no idea??

2005-11-09T15:35:00.000+08:00

ekeke..sia pun inda tau mo letak apa title..I juz feel like writing something here..Last night I go out with this guy since he has been asking me every minute of the day to go out with him..so juz to make it clear to him that I'm not even interested at him I agree la to go out with him. At first memang nak cakap direct to the point tapi since he ask me to go watch movies dulu so I agree la..but o dear I never thought yang memang gatal la orang ni..siap nak pegang2 ish..ingat saya ni tempat 'touch n go' ke..please..so I tell him that I already have someone special kunu. I thought he'll understand it since he seems 'alim enough' but guess dia fikir sia jenis yang suka pakai spare part..tapi even though sia mo spare part I will not choose him!! Never!!! Ihh ingat balik kan memang gelilah..nak ingat balik pun menyampah macam mo muntah saja..Pedulila tu orang di depan kami dengar apa yang kami cakap..at least I've been honest to him kan..so the rest kalo dia still crazy 'bout me lantak dia lah..then I left halfway wayang tu..dah hilang da mood nak tgk wayang..Talking 'bout public embarassment..but I think he deserved it!!!

Another day in my life..

2005-11-02T13:16:00.000+08:00

hmm..stuck in my office while people enjoying their holiday..I'm a little it down today because baru kijap tadi a colleague of mine call me so we have a little chat, and he mention that he see HIM together with another girl. They just come back from breakfast. So he ask them why they didn't invite me..and guess apa tu perempuan cakap.."Ntah..tak nampak pun"..erm well never mind then..is that means that I better move on and berpijak di bumi yang nyata..Actually I realise that long before, its juz that maybe I still wanna hold on to that memory yang tidak seberapa..yelah siapa la saya kan..Kalo dia inda mo sia banyak lagi ba kunu yang mo sia..tapi sia yg inda mo..inda taula when it comes to love saya memang really stuborn. When I fall for that person I will wait until there is no other way that we can be together..dalam erti kata yang lain macam yang my sis cakap..buduh!! Ya guess mimang sia buduh..haiyaa..butul2 sedih o sia ni..frust..tapi layak ka sia untuk frust sama urg yang tidak pernah jadi milik sia..???? Guess I deserved a knock on my head then maybe buli sia fikir dgn lebih waras..heheheee

Selamat Hari Raya...

2005-10-29T03:03:00.000+08:00

Well..it's feel like its only yesterday that they started fasting for Ramadhan..and now they are preparing for their Raya celebration..Well for me, nothing to be excited about since I'm not celebrating it..but the good thing is I can tidur makan during the public holiday..n more shopping and movies..moreover yippie..got bonus this month so I'm thinking 'bout spending 30% of it shopping for new outfits..yippie..I'm getting tired with my wardrobe already..hmmm by the way I'm really hungry right now..only eat some donut during lunch time..Actually I have a lunch date today with a guy I know during a training last month..but he cancelled it out at last minute coz the road is jam..and there is no way that he can reach here by lunch time..o well..it's fine with me coz I don't really feel like going out with him anyway..It's always like that, whenever I agree to go out with a guy..I will end up regretting it after that. I dun know why but I guess maybe I'm still not ready to go out on a date. Last week this guy also ask me to join him for 'buka puasa' but I give him a lame excuse that I'm not feeling well..he..he...I think he already give up on me, coz I turn him down whenever he ask me out..
I'm thinking bout balik kampung this christmas..can't wait for it..hopefully my new boss will approve it..o yess..I'll have a new boss next month. This time it will be a guy, I dun know what to expect but hopefully he is going to be nice n ugly..hehehe..I mean it before this I hope he is old but found out that he is only 31 years old..o dear..therefore my only hope is that he will be hopelessly ugly but nice..o well got to sambung buat keja again..I am teribblely busy right now..loads of works to be done n think about...ok chow..

The meaning of ur name.

2005-10-13T05:17:00.000+08:00

Hmm..got a nice mail from my tambalut today..so I think I wanna share this with all of u..Memang ngam la juga

Instructions :What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.
Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (Its TRUE !!) (Isn't it GREAT !!)
PS : If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.
For Example : FELIX
F-Everyone loves you.
E-You are a very exciting person
L- Love is something that u truly believes in.
I- You are always smiling n making others smile.
X-You never let people tell u what to do!!
so try it..

A You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D You have trouble trusting people.
E You are a very exciting person.
F Everyone loves you.
G You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H You are not judgmental.
I You are always smiling and making others smile.
J Jealously
K You like to try new things.
L Love is something you deeply believe in.
M Success comes easily to you.
N You like to work, but you always want a break.
O You are very open-minded.
P You are very friendly and understanding.
Q You are a hypocrite.
R You are a social butterfly.
S You are very broad-minded.
T You have an attitude, a big one.
U You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V You have a very good physique and looks.
W You like your privacy.
X You never let people tell you what to do.
Y You cause a lot of trouble.
Z You're always fighting with someone

Which part of ur body u wash first?

2005-10-12T16:20:00.000+08:00

When you take a bath, which part of the body do you wash first?
* Chest
* Face
* Armpits
* Hair
* Privates
* Shoulders
* Others

Now scroll down and check what /who you are ... this is pretty interesting...

CHEST:
You are a practical person, straight forward and do not beat around the bush. To
you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate to be distracted when
concentrating and are impatient with people who do not see things your way. You are
a good sex partner and willing to try new things. Your best partner in life will be
those who chose HAIR.

FACE:
Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it. Integrity and dignity
is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and that life is one
big hassle. Other people find it hard to understand you but you are not concerned as
to what they think. Very self-centered person. Below average sex partner as you are
too selfish and tend to be
absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life
will be those who chose PRIVATES and OTHERS.

ARMPITS:
You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally a very popular individual as
you are very down to earth and willing to help others. You tend to get yourself into
trouble as you cannot tell whether people are genuine towards you. Trusting type.
You make very poor sex partners as you are the working type with average talent. You
do not always consider
your partner's needs. Your best partner in life will be those who chose SHOULDERS.

HAIR:
Artistic, creative, caring type. Positive thinker. Day dreaming is your hobby but
you can achieve what most people cannot! You will work tirelessly towards goals
which are to your liking. You are able to see and understand things others don't.
Money and material possessions are not important. Friends and family are important.
You make the BEST sex partners. You are very willing to explore. Especially warm and
sensual lovers. You love to please your partner. You value intimate moments with
those you love. Talent, intelligence, loyalty, kindness, intuition are your main
strengths. Your best partners in life will be those who chose CHEST and PRIVATES.

PRIVATES:
Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be misunderstood by others.
You find it difficult to share yourself with others. You do not have many friends as
others sometimes find you boring and unresponsive. Perseverance is not your strength
and you tend to give up easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an
above average sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few
people. But, in sex, you find your inner strengths. And you find sex as a safe
avenue to share your true feelings. Your best partner in life will be those who
chose FACE and HAIR.

SHOULDERS:
A born loser. You fail in almost everything that you do. People dislike you and you
tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known to be heavy gamblers and
drinkers. You see the world as a living hell. Money and power are also important to
you, but your luck will always fail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find
it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who chose ARMPITS are your only
chance.

OTHERS:
You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your inner strengths but people
find it hard to see. You must learn to be a little bit more adventurous and sell
your potential. Deep down, you are a very likeable person with very few faults.
However, the key will be to make your strengths stand out and not just hide your
weaknesses. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about different
techniques but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out. Your best
partners in life will be those who chose FACE.

Broken heart..

2005-08-30T13:04:00.000+08:00

Mend Your Broken Heart
There isn't a sure-fire way to mend a broken heart but there are definitely things you can to do to make it feel a bit lighter and ready for new love.

1.First, allow yourself to feel what you need to and take all the time in the world to get over the person. For some people it may only take a few weeks to move on and others years. However long it takes, be okay with that. The ideas below are not meant to cover up your loss but rather to help your healing process so you can move on and enjoy being single for awhile!

2.Throw a small party. The fun of letting loose and being surrounded with your close friends can make anyone feel better.

3.Gather everything that reminds you of your past love and put it in a box specifically for this. Then give it to a friend or store it somewhere where you won't see or think about it. When you're ready you can either throw away the box or keep it for memory's sake.

4.Start a new exercise or well-being plan. It never hurts to take time to look good!

5.Start a daily journal, even if it's on your computer. Somewhere everyday take the time to jot down whatever comes to mind. The idea in starting a journal is not to write cleverly or even about anything important. Just write (or type) whatever comes to mind even if your journal starts to look like this: "Went shopping yesterday for a new book oh yea need to e-mail Susan, the flowers on that window sill need watering." The point of your journal is to clear your thoughts. In a few weeks you will be able to read your entries to discover new things and trends about yourself.

6.Join a new interest group. It's never to early too meet new friends and, at least this way, you'll already have one thing in common.

7.Learn something new. Take a foreign language or art course, or buy a how-to computer program.

8.Pick out an inspirational book or movie to read or watch whenever you start feeling down or depressed.

9.Take yourself out on a date, even if it's a night alone watching your favorite programs and eating your favorite foods.

10.Do the things you said you always wanted to do when you were with your partner but somehow never did.

11.Get a new look.

12.Pick up a calendar and fill out the next 3 months with social events you'd like to attend or things you'd like to do. Browse your city's web site or the entertainment section of your local newspaper to find out ideas, dates and times.

13.Spend a "comfy" day. Get out your favorite comfy clothes, pillow, blanket, etc. and just spend the day relaxing doing whatever you want!

14.Get a pet or plant to take care of.

15.Rent a few romantic movies or read a few romance novels to remind yourself that love does still have happy endings.

16.Write a goodbye poem or letter. Then stick it in a bottle and throw it out in the sea or attach it to a helium balloon to be carried away.

17.Do something you wouldn't normally do to celebrate your "singleness."
Redecorate your space. Start off by cleaning out everything and throwing away anything you don't use or need anymore. Make a few self-indulgent decorating additions like a few candles, a favorite painting or fresh flowers!

18.Visit a new city. Pick some place you've always wanted to go or some place closer to home to save money.

19.Spend time with your friends.

Piece of my mind

2005-08-10T04:49:00.000+08:00

The wheather still have no progress. The visibility is getting worse n it's very humid right now. Entah bila la jerebu ni hilang..Keliling ofis sia mimang teda nampak apa2 lagi. Nak kluar dari sini pun nak kena fikir 2 kali..ni yang malas mo kluar lunch ni. So daripada menyeksa diri nak kluar better I blogging sini. Mo cerita apa ah??? No idea la pula..Ok kita mengumpat urang2 sini ofis sia..ekeke..first of all..THE BOSS..well she's not exactly the big boss here but she's certainly have a big head..hehehe..but other than being moody for a certain time of the month..(wink..wink..) I think she's ok. Next..the "orang lama"..aiya I first notice that he likes to talk A LOT..yess a lot..if I ask him one simple question he goes..bla.bla..bla..until the very inch of that question. That's why I try my best not to sit down if I want to ask him something..well pretending that I'm in a rush for something..heheh..it works..trust me. And the other 'org lama'..well of course he is old so he can be forgiven..but when he goes saying the same thing over n over again for all day long, well I guess I'm not a very patient person..but I never lose my temper to him la..kasian ba..and the other 'org lama'..whenever I give him a task, he gave me all sort of alasan.."haiya..you are here to work ma..not makan gaji buta. kalo nak senang go balik tidur la"hmmm..but luckily I only say that in my heart..so I just give him my sweetest smile n say.."takpe..pelan-pelan la"..
oppss..got to go..to be continued...

Snow in the sahara..

2005-08-09T03:39:00.000+08:00

hmmm..sambil2 rehat sambil dingar radio ni bagus sia subuk2 sini..lama juga sia inda singgah sini..bz butul ba. Hmm tinguk luar still jerebu lah..aiya..I can't even see the Petronas Twin Tower. Looks like the wheather become worse. Semalam ingat mo p jogging kunu mo kasi ilang tu lemak sikit2 tapi tgk luar cancel ja la. Nanti inda pasal2 sumakit pula.Hmmm..malas pula sia rasa mo karaja ari ni..ingat mo suti tapi last week pun suda cuti nanti mengamuk pula tu boss. Monday sia suda declare as my day to bermalas-malasan heheh..tapi kalo bos datang pura2 ja la buat sibuk ekekeke..Haiya inda sabar lagi ni christmas..langadon suda sia sama walai d kampung ni..mo mandi sungai lagi ekeke. Hmm last saturday p pc fare..siok mo tgk2..tapi tula tinguk ja aiso tusin mo beli..cuci mata ja lah..Entah bila la mo kaya ni..ekekeke..bagus p masuk Akademi fantasia ni..nyanyi macam tu katak pun buli manang beribu.haiya..by the way sia butul frust sama tu gobuk yang manang tu..sumua pun dia yang manang ba..alang2 suruh dia ja menyanyi waktu final tu..hmm..ish emotional pula sia ni..bah okla..p sambung karaja dulu ni..

Rest in Peace

2005-07-19T05:05:00.000+08:00

I got a rather shocking news from kampung today..my sis says one of my cousin is dying because of leukimia...her condition is really critical and it juz a matter of time before she died. Eventhough I'm not that close to her but I know what is it like to lose someone that you really love..its like part of u also died. I felt dearly for her mother. Eventhough she is just an adopted child but I know my auntie love her very dearly. God may her soul rest in peace..Amen

saje nak luah perasaan

2005-07-15T13:18:00.000+08:00

hmmm..boringnya ari ni..heheheh..sia suka start blogging sia dengan perkataan 'boring'kan..tapi api ni memang sia feel a bit down..maybe coz sia rindu dia...well dear the truth kan sia rasa sia suda jatuh cinta ma dia..tapi yalah itu hak sia kan..even kadang2 sia rasa cinta sia sama ko masi kuat tapi macam yang ko cakap..I have to go on with my life now..eventhough ko tiada suda disamping sia..Dear..I miss u so much!!Kadang-kadang kan macam mo saja sia kol ko macam dulu2. Tapi sia cuba tahan dear coz sia inda mo ko susah ati..I'm really trying my best dear..tapi ada waktu dan ketika dia sia benar2 tidak tahan...So Dear I'm sorry..Teda guna kan sia..tapi kan dear..sejak sia kanal dia kan dear..macam sia dapat kekuatan untuk jatuh cinta lagi..everyday I'm hoping that I can see him..but dear maybe it because sia dapat lihat diri ko dalam dia..the way he talk to me..and the way he treat me really makes me feel like u are there. Tapi kan dear..dia juga rupanya pernah kecewa..tapi cerita dia lain lagi..perempuan tu yang curang ma dia..Well at least dia boleh benci ppuan tu kan..tapi kita,kita terpaksa break kerana keadaan kan..so there is no one to blame..Dear kadang2 mo saja sia tanya ko kalo ko cinta Dia lebih daripada sia..mungkin skarang ko suda tidak ingat sia kan dear..yalah sepa juga sia..Tapi dear don't worry..sia akan cuba utk go on with my life..maybe dia akan buat sia percaya sama cinta lagi kan..

aiya...bosannya

2005-07-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

Goodness...tia taula macam mana sia mo handle masalah sia ni..Patut ka sia terus terang sama dia yang sia mimang langsung teda perasaan istimewa sama dia..lagipun sia suda kanal dia sejak dari sikul rendah sampailah sia suda karaja ni..mimang langsung tiada perasaan itu..slama ni mimang sia anggap dia sbagai kawan ja..sia langsung inda sangka dia suka sia ni...alalalalaa..sombody help me..Kalau sia reject dia takut pula dia inda mo kawan ma sia suda..tapi kalau sia terus bagi dia harapan..memang tidak adil bagi dia..aiyaaaa...kadang2 mimang malas mo fikir pasal cinta ni..urang yang sia suka pula..mimang suka sama sia tapi takut mo terus terang..yang sia inda suka..berani pula ambil tindakan..waaarrrgggghhh...malasnya..bagus jan fikir2..kin paning kepala sija..Dear kalo ko ada sia rasa semua masalah tiada..coz I know you'll be there for me..tapi apa buli buat la kan Dear..skarang ni pun sia dingar ko happy sama Dia..cuma sia harap kalo ko kawin jangan jemput sia..biarla sia wish ko dalam doa sia sija..Tapi sia mo ko tau dalam hati sia teda org lain lagi yg akan sia panggil Dear..coz u are the one n only Dear in my life...

Cerita pasal hati dan perasaan

2005-06-28T13:30:00.000+08:00

hmm..pernah ka kamu rasa yang cinta ni mimang complicated. Selalunya kalo kamu suka urg tu, org tu pula teda hati sama ko. Tapi org yang ko anggap sebagai kawan ja dia pula yg akan ambil berat pasal ko dan suka ko..Tidak tau la kayo kalo org lain tapi selalunya dari pengalaman sia sendiri mimang macam tu la. Maybe some of u will say why not give it a try. Cuba utk terima org itu..well sia pernah cuba tapi trust me it will only hurt that person more. Lagipun cinta bermaksud kita menyintai org itu dengan sejujurnya..tapi kalo kita pura2 ja suka..itu bukan cinta tapi simpati dan hipokrit!! That's why sia bukan jenis perempuan yg suka meluahkan hati sia sama lelaki kerana sia mau dia jatuh cinta sama sia secara semulajadi bukan kerana rasa simpati atau kerana utk jaga hati sia saja..

All at once..

2005-06-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

All At Once All at once,
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
Your not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once

Chorus:
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once,

I'm drifting on a lonely see
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now All at once,
I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows All at once
All at once,

I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once

pheww..what a nice song from Whitney Houston..It bring so much memory...
duuiii..langadon butul sia sama dia.."My hero" oupus oku dia do sogigisom..

Pusakag 2

2005-06-23T09:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I got a package all the way from Sabah..yippie..guess what it is..."PUSAKAG 2" ekekek misti ada yg bingung kan apa tu pusakag 2? Kaset kadazandusun bogia..siok ma lagu dia..ada lagu dusun n kadazan too. Paling sia suka tu lagu c Clare Petrus Edwin..very meaningful songs..dua-dua lagu dia sia suka..Actually duulluuu kan sia langsung inda suka lagu2 dusun ni coz sumua mesej dia pun pasal moginum nopo ba..tapi skarang ni macam ketagih pula mo dingar lagu dusun ni..sumua senikata dia pun jiwang2 ba..pewittt...ada juga kawan sia kasi kaset c apai..tapi lagu dia sikit2 senikata..he's album was more to instrumental..
adoiii..semalam sia mimpi koginawaan sia o...ekekek..so I wake up with a big smile on my face..If only the reality would be the same I'll be the happiest person alive..atuukkoooiiii..

First posting..

2005-06-22T13:19:00.000+08:00

Aduiiii..bosannya ari ni...satu keja pun inda dapat buat ba..tapi ada juga kebaikan dia..ekekek..buli guyang kaki..curi tulang..buring2 tadi dapat juga buat blog. Actually before this ada juga blog sia buat..tapi lupa username pula..ekekek..apa buli buat.
hmmm..sedar inda sedar mo dakat satu taun suda sia d kl ni kunu..bosan mimang bosan..nasib baik ada juga geng2 kadus lain yang sia jumpa..bulum sampai satu taun cni tapi balik sabah 2 kali suda..ekekek..langadon kan..so terpaksala dengan rela hati kasi abis duit bikin tambang..(kunu paksa rela)
Tadi jumpa guy yang sia have a crush on di kantin...pheww..bagagar ba tu jantung..ekekekee tapi mantain kama ko sumandak. Actually si ehem2 ni kan..diala org pertama yg tegur sia waktu sia 1st lapor diri d ofis sia ni. Kira2 kan mcm love at a first sight jugala..pewwittt..Kalo mo cakap dia handsome gila..tidak juga..juz nice looking ba. Tapi the way he carried himself and the way he treat people yang bikin"kagayat ginawoku"ekeke..And most importantly I like the way he smile....oh no...aiya juz got phone call..ok sambung bisukla..more info about my "HERO" tmw!!